Spiritual Bypassing

"Spiritual bypassing is particularly tempting for people who are having difficulty navigating life's developmental challenges, especially in a time and culture like ours, where what were once ordinary landmarks of adulthood --earning a living through dignified work, raising a family, keeping a marriage together, belonging to a meaningful community-- have become increasingly elusive for large segments of the population. While still struggling to find themselves, many people are introduced to spiritual teachings and practices that urge them to give themselves up. As a result, they wind up using spiritual practices to to create a new "spiritual" identity, which is actually an old dysfunctional identity --based on avoidance of unresolved psychological issues-- repackaged in a new guise.

In this way, involvement in spiritual teachings and practices can become a way to rationalize and reinforce old defenses. For example, those who need to see themselves as special will often emphasize the specialness of their spiritual insight and practice, of their special relationship to their teacher, to shore up a sense of self-importance. Many of the "perils of the path" --such as spiritual materialism (using spiritual ideas for personal gain), narcissism, inflation (delusions of grandiosity), or groupthink (uncritical acceptance of group ideology)-- result from trying to use spirituality to shore up developmental deficiencies."

---from John Welwood's book "Toward a Psychology of Awakening," Pg. 12.---

The 7 Habits of Calmness

 

 

The 7 Habits of Calmness

By Leo Babauta

 

These are the habits to develop that will help you develop calmness (based on my experience):

1. A calm morning ritual. Many people rush through their mornings, starting the day out in a stressful rush. I wake up a little earlier (5 a.m. these days, though that changes), and start with a little meditation, then a few yoga poses. I then start writing, before I let the noise in. Exercise is another component of my morning routine. You don’t need to do the same things, but find the quiet of the morning and make the most of it.
2. Learn to watch your response. When something stressful happens, what is your response? Some people jump into action — though if the stressful situation is another person, sometimes action can be harmful. Others get angry, or overwhelmed. Still others start to feel sorry for themselves, and wish things were different. Why can’t other people behave better? Watch this response — it’s an important habit.
3. Don’t take things personally. Many times the response (that you noticed in Habit 2) is to take things personally. If someone does something we don’t like, often we tend to interpret this as a personal affront. Our kids don’t clean their rooms? They are defying us! Our spouse doesn’t show affection today? He/she must not care as much as he/she should! Someone acts rudely at work? How could they treat us this way?! Some people even think the universe is personally against them. But the truth is, it’s not personal — it’s the other person’s issue that they’re dealing with. They are doing the best they can. You can learn not to interpret events as a personal affront, and instead see it as some non-personal external event (like a leaf falling, a bird flying by) that you can either respond to without a stressful mindset, or not need to respond to at all.
4. Be grateful. Sure, lots of people talk about gratitude … but how often do we apply it to the events of our day? Things are crashing down at work, or our boss is angry, or our co-workers are rude, or our kids are misbehaving, or someone doesn’t love us as we’d like … do these cause anger/anxiety/unhappiness, or can we be grateful? Drop the complaints, and find a way to be grateful, no matter what. And then smile. This unbending habit can change your life.
5. Create stress coping habits. Many times, when we are faced with stress, we have unhealthy responses — anger, feeling overwhelmed and withdrawing, eating junk food, drinking alcohol or taking drugs, shopping or otherwise buying stuff, going to time-wasting sites, procrastinating, and so on. Instead, we need healthy ways to cope with stress, which will come inevitably. When you notice stress, watch how you cope with it, and then replace any unhealthy coping habits with healthier ones. Healthy stress coping habits include: drinking tea, exercise, yoga, meditation, massaging your own neck & shoulders, taking a walk, drinking some water, talking with someone you care about.
6. Single-task. I’ve written numerous times in the past about single-tasking vs. multitasking, but I think people multitask now more than ever. People text while on the train, while walking, while driving. They tweet and post to Facebook and Instagram, they email and read blogs and news, they watch videos while getting things done, they watch TV while eating, they plan their day while doing chores. This is a great way to cause a level of anxiety that runs through everything you do, because you’re always worried you should be doing more, doing something else. What if, instead, you just did one thing, and learned to trust that you shouldn’t be doing anything else? It takes practice: just eat. Just wash your bowl. Just walk. Just talk to someone. Just read one article or book, without switching. Just write. Just do your email, one at a time, until your inbox is empty. You’ll learn that there is peace in just doing one thing, and letting go of everything else.
7. Reduce noise. Our lives are filled with all kinds of noise — visual clutter, notifications, social media, news, all the things we need to read. And truthfully, none of it is necessary. Reduce all these things and more, and create some space, some quiet, in your life.

Trouble

Trouble defies the law of gravity. It's easier to pick up than to drop.
--Johathan Raban--

What Skills and Attitudes Lead to a Successful Life?

This is an essay I wrote today as part of my application for the University I want to attend next year. The requirement is between 400-500 words, and it came in at 470 in this first draft. Any comments, advice, or proof reading would be most appreciated.
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What Skills and Attitudes Lead to a Successful Life?

I've thought long and hard about this subject. I've written down a long list of answers to the titles question. I can hear my late father telling me to set goals. Close friends tell me hard work is the answer. Though I agree wholeheartedly with them, I have my own posits.

As I've grown older I have begun to question exactly what defines a "successful life." I've come to believe that material success can be a hindrance in some cases as it can foster greed, jealousy, and a separation from our fellow humans. In my opinion success can be defined as the ability to live within your own mind with peace and tranquility, accepting the causes and conditions we face in life with equanamity and mindfulness.

Listening with and open mind to peoples ideas and points of view, even if one does not necessarily agree with them can teach patience and compassion. To put oneself into anothers pair of shoes can build an understanding that can transcend words and forge friendships and alliances.

By facing my own fears of failure is an opportunity to gain insight into how I react to life's setbacks and can lessen my own anxiety. By simply acknowledging the fear I can take away some of its power. Failure itself presents occasion for me to examine where I went wrong and make corrections. And can also be a wonderful exercise in humility.

One of the most important attitudes I believe one can have in life is the willingness to be of service to others and the community at large. The concept of giving ones time and effort without asking for anything in return is an extremely gratifying experience. To be in the trenches, sharing another persons pain, helping them to deal with that pain, helping them to persevere over their suffering helps me to find redemption. To quote the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, "Self seeking will slip away..."

I do not want to detract from hard work, enthusiasm, being positive, being ethical as these are excellent traits to have and if applied, will help a person get far in life. But, I believe deep down inside that one must question their motives for the path they choose to follow. Is one being self serving? Deceitful? Thinking only of them-self and what they gain from life? Or are you giving? Honest? Thinking of what you can contribute to the stream of life? These are a few of the questions I ask myself all the time. Usually I will think about how they fit with the first four concepts of the Eight-fold Path: Right View, Intention, Speech, and Action. I am grateful that I am not "perfect." I fall short all the time. I am a work in progress.

Do Not Believe...

Forgiveness

"To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself."
--Master ChengYen--

Art by Jaun Miller

Lovingkindness

"All the peace and happiness of the whole globe,
the peace and happiness of societies,
the peace and happiness of family,
the peace and happiness in the individual persons' life,
and the peace and happiness of even the animals and so forth,
all depends on having loving kindness toward each other."

--Lama Zopa Rinpoche--